I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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