Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
