She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
