I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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