The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
