Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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