I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
