I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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