We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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