I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
