i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
