She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
