so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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