So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
