I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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