yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
