can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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