Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
