is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
