i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i drank out of a bidet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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