you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
