hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we should paint friendship bongs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
