I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
