So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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