i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
