Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
