someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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