The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.