apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom