No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying