I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
