all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
