Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
