OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
