Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
