Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have post one night stand depression
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
