I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just pee around me
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon