She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it