Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.