Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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