I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
home. puking in laundry basket.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.