ADVERTISEMENT

• (650): View more from California

  Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

  Fav 9 1102 1746

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  so you're single again?

  (334): View more from Alabama

  yea but it was worth it

  Fav 46 5364 1413

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

  Fav 6 2816 1295

  share tweet
  

• (731): View more from Tennessee

  Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.

  Fav 6 3253 1016

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (315): View more from New York

  The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.

  Fav 5 1941 717

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

  Fav 14 2876 1203

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.

  Fav 1 1164 765

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat

  Fav 3 811 784

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan

  Fav 2 915 654

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (585): View more from New York

  let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious

  Fav 7 538 937

  share tweet
  

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.

  Fav 4 700 582

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.

  Fav 0 628 496

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  I NEED to hang out with you more

  Fav 3 875 508

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.

  Fav 6 674 357

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay

  Fav 2 93 25

  share tweet
  

Randomize