We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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