Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
