my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
