I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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