I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
