Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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