I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
