He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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