so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
