My nipple is on Facebook.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
