Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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