Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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