I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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