I think I am morally bankrupt
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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