I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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