i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
