I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
