you guys were way drunker than both of me
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
