It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
