I think my fart just growled at me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
