So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
