4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
