what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
