does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
COCAINE IS GR8
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
