mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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