I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
