You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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