you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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