Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
