I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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