Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
