my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
